One Shots
by Char.loves.to.write
Summary: A collection of my meaningless, boredom-powered fanfictions. : ENJOY!:D
1. Edward and S Meyer

_DISCLAIMER I am not in anyway affiliated with Stephenie Meyer. She didn't say any of these things, and Edward really is a character; not an actor._

**Edward Cullen:** Hello my name is Edward Cullen. Today, I am going to be talking to the woman who created the Twilight Saga-you know, the books about me!! Please welcome, Stephenie Meyer!

_(studio audience screams)_

**EC:** Good morning, Stephenie.

**Stephenie Meyer:** Hello, Edward. How's Nessie?

**EC:** -frowns- About that…

**SM:** Oh no, you're not upset about that like all of the fan girls, are you?

_(a voice shouts out: "Say yes, Edward!")_

_(another voice cries out: "SHH!!")_

**EC:** -pinches the bridge of his nose- You would know.

**SM:** -nervous laugh- Oh yeah. Well, I decided that you're not.

**EC:** -jerks head up- What?! Stephenie!! You act like you can control what I do and say or something!

**SM:** Well, I kind of _can_, Edward.

**EC:** -shakes head angrily- I think not.

**SM:** Whatever you say, Ed. Now, can we get back on topic?

**EC:** -glares at SM- Sure. As I was saying….-frowns, scanning papers in his hand- Ah yes. -pouts a little- Why did you make Bella have a daughter?

**SM:** Because it was a great way to bring a sense of family into yours and Bella's lives.

**EC:** Well, -scoffs- you could have at least let me use protection.

**SM:** Renesmee wouldn't have been born then.

**EC:** -rips papers into shreds- EXACTLY!!

**SM:** Do you not love your daughter?

**EC:** -sighs and turns to audience- Ok, do you all want to know how books _really _work?

_(crowd screams "YES!!")_

**EC:** -nods- Alright. Here's the basic idea-

**SM:** Edward!! Don't tell them!

**EC:** -sticks tongue out at SM- I am anyway!! -shakes head- The characters in books are pretty much actors following a script written by the author. We're supposed to do what authors tell us to. So, you see, I don't really love Bella. In fact,

-blushes- I'm dating a Russian book character named Anya!!

**SM:** -lets head fall into hands-

**EC:** And, Renesmee isn't my daughter!! She's kind of like a childhood star…like Mary Kate Olson!!

_(crowd is silent)_

**EC:** -laughs- Now that's what I call reading in between the lines!! -laughs at his own joke-

**SM:** -looks at the crowd of girls in the audience-

_(One girl stands up and yells: "Let's all go kill Anya!!")_

_(Security knocks her out with a tazor)_

_(the rest of the girls burst into sobs, blubbering about how Edward is a liar)_

**EC:** -laughs shakily and grins at SM- Whoops?

**SM:** -glares angrily at EC- Beyond.

**EC:** -darts out of studio-

**SM:** -makes EC trip-

**EC:** -scrambles to feet-

**SM:** -puts Jane right in front of EC-

**EC:** OUCH!! MAKE IT STOP!!

_(fan girls sob)_

**SM:** -grins devilishly and has Jane bring EC back- Ha!! I win, Edward!!

**EC:** -unconscious-

**SM:** -waits for EC to wake up; when he doesn't, she blushes- Whoops.

_(fan girls sob louder)_

**A/N: Okay, I was extremely bored, and I'm in between fanfics. I had to post something, though. I thought this was kind of funny, but idk. I just went out on a limb here. Enjoy if you can!! LOL**


	2. Adam Lambert and Edward

**Ryan Seacrest**: I'm Ryan Seacrest and _this_…is American Idol!

(_theme music and opening credits_)

**RS**: Hello and welcome to the season 8 finale! Tonight our last two contestants, Adam Lambert and Edward Cullen will compete-

**Adam Lambert**: Whoa! Hey, Ryan! We aren't _competing_!

(_Adam and Edward walk out onto stage. They carry on like they're brothers_.)

**Edward Cullen**: We couldn't ever compete! Even though I've already won this show…

**AL**: Ha! Isn't this kid HILARIOUS? -laughs-

**RS**: Uh, guys? This is a show, and there has to be a winner…-nervous glance at crowd-

**AL and EC**: Psssh!

**EC**: Give the trophy to that Kris kid. Adam and I have to get back to Forks.

**RS**: -jaw drops- Forks? Why Forks?

**EC**: Aw, come on, Ryan! -grins- Randy said it himself; this guy, Adam Lambert, screams _Twilight_!

**AL**: -shrugs- The books are great.

**EC**: Yeah, so you see, we're like brothers! -smiles-

**AL**: Yeah! -holds up his hand for a high five- Bro-Power!

**EC**: -gives AL a high five- Amen, my brutha!

(_EC and AL leave_.)

**RS**: -shakes his head and chucks the trophy at Kris Allen- Oh, the heck with it. I quit, FOX!

**Stephenie Meyer**: -stands up from seat in crowd- WHAT IN THE WORLD? I don't remember hiring Adam Lambert!

**Simon Cowell**: I am so bloody confused.

**Paula Abdul**: It's okay! You're all stars! Just keep believing!

**Randy Jackson**: Yo, dawgs! Edward, Adam! Come back! This just isn't right for me for you!

**Kara Dio-Whatever**: Sweeties, you guys have the chops! Don't go back to Forks!

**SC**: Oh, shut up, Kara!

**KD-W**: Say my name right, Simon!

**SC**: Why don't you go embarrass another girl in a bikini and co-write a song!

(_meaningless arguing between the judges_)

**Cat Deeley**: Hi, I'm Cat Deeley and I have no clue what's going on! So You Think You Can Dance is next on FOX!

**A/N: Oh my gosh, it's another one shot! Hahaha!:)**** You're either gonna completely love this one or completely hate it. I'm not trying to insult anyone in this story; it was just something to pass the time :D**


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